The Real Reason I Put You in the Friend Zone

There has been a time in just about every person’s life that they have been friend zoned. On the flip side, there has been a time in every person’s life when they have friend zoned someone. Men, it seems like, get the most upset about being put in the platonic field as opposed to the romantic one. This is especially true if they are good looking, funny, smart, and have their shit together. But, as a woman who has friend zoned a fair share of eligible bachelors, I can tell you it has nothing to do with that. When I think of putting men in the friend zone, there is one particular instance that shines the brightest in my mind and his name was Jacob*.

Last summer, I started working part time at a local store while writing full time. I met Jacob while working there and we clicked almost instantly. He was funny, cool, interesting, and was on his way in life. I am not ignorant to the fact that when it comes to men and women, especially young, single men and women; the sexual tension can be apparent whether it’s acted upon or not. For me, I wasn’t attracted to Jacob in that way. I loved his personality but physically, he wasn’t my type. I picked up on his vibes that he was a bit more physically attracted to me than I was to him but I felt like I made it clear that it was never going to happen.

As our friendship progressed and we spent more time together, I started to feel like Jacob’s romantic feelings for me were taking over. It started to get to a point where our friendship was suffering and I had to take a step back and second guess our relationship. I even thought to myself that maybe, because he was clearly into me, that I shouldn’t be so shallow and give him a try. Before that thought had a second to plant roots in my mind, Jacob dashed out any possibility of that happening. Here is why he ended up in the friend zone for good:

  1. He lied to me about his relationship status– With my friends, I am painfully open about my life and what’s going on with me. While I don’t expect the exact same candidness, I do expect a friend to tell me if they are dating someone. Jacob had a long time, on and off girlfriend that I knew nothing about. I’d ask him why he wasn’t dating anyone and he’d shrug it off like it was a non factor. A mutual friend actually told me about his girlfriend and was surprised that I didn’t know. So, clearly his intentions with me were sketchy from the start.
  2. He acted as if I owed my vagina to him– This is what I can’t stand about some men and why they end up in the friend zone or the no zone. Just because you want to have sex with me doesn’t mean I feel the same and I don’t owe you a damn dissertation on why. My vagina isn’t presumably yours until proven otherwise. If you put the moves on me and I decline, you just look like an asshole being upset about it. Jacob would come to my house, during the day, to hang out and continuously try to take it there. When I declined, he’d storm out as if my vagina was promised to him only to be snatched away when he tried to claim it. That shit is wack.
  3. He wouldn’t accept the friendship or no as an answer– After a while, it got to a point where being friends wasn’t even an option. Every time we’d try to rekindle our friendship, the cycle would reignite and we’d stop talking again. At some point, I just didn’t care anymore because it started to feel like he wanted to conquer me more than he cared about being my friend. He eventually was pushed out of the friend zone and into some other abyss where I don’t speak to him at all anymore.

I friend zone men because I like them as a person but can’t imagine being with them physically or romantically. When I meet a guy that I click with, I want them in my life but not in my body which seems like a logical thing to want. In the end, Jacobs fragile ego came between our friendship. He couldn’t understand why I wasn’t into him simply because he was into me. I hear him and the same on again, off again girlfriend are on again and doing well.

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