“I Get as Dark as You in the Summer” & Other Bullshit I Need For Ya’ll to Stop Saying this Summer

About 3 times a week, I work at a retail store part time to off set the enormous amount of time I spend at home working for myself. I need to get out dammit! Anyway, the other day an older white lady approached me to chat about sunscreens. I personally don’t have the largest frame of reference for sunscreens and that’s not because black people don’t have to use them or that we can’t be burned by the sun. It’s because they are mostly the same with different packaging and I’m already bored of talking about it. While talking about the sunscreens, she goes on and on about her health issues and about how important it is to protect her skin at her age. But, when she was younger, she used to layout in the sun with oil on her skin a fry like a damn freshly cracked egg. While lovingly touching my arm, she said she even got as dark as me from frying so long in the sun. I chuckled and she followed up with:

“No, no. I didn’t even mind being as dark as you. I loved it”. 

I didn’t say anything in response beside take this damn sunscreen and begone but I thought it incredibly interesting that she referred to her conveniently temporary dark skin as not as much as an nuisance as say mine would be. While this old lady likely thought she was giving me some sort of compliment and probably still refers to us as Negros or coloreds; it got me thinking about the other non-compliment, completely inappropriate bullshit white people tend to slip in around this time of year. To avoid someone cursing you out and telling you about yourself, please avoid saying the following:

“I get as dark as you in the summer time”
You don’t.

“Black people can’t swim, right?”
I don’t know all black folk. Do you?

“How do you get your hair like this ::while extending their arm::”
It was handed to me at birth.. in a cellophane package..

“I have a black girl booty in these pants”
You have a you booty in those pants.

“You probably don’t need sunscreen or anything because you’re already dark”
Really? Is that how that works? 

What are some ridiculous things people have said to you in the summer?