Kehlani, Ciara, & Why Women Shouldn’t be Dragged for Moving On After Heartbreak

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The other day, I shared with ya’ll my struggle with getting over heartbreak in great detail. I was in love with a guy that simply was not on the same page as me or whatever. Heartbreak is a pain that can’t be healed with ointment or a trip to the hospital. It is a sullen, sinking feeling that lingers on and on and on. It seems like you can’t escape it.

For some reason, when men bring this heartbreak to your front step for you to wallow in, they are completely outraged when you dig yourself out and move on. It is like a slap in the face that you aren’t willing to be in pain and prove to them how much you cared for them.

Women in the media like Ciara have been dragged for moving on to men that actually want to be with them. Meanwhile, their ex baby daddies, husbands, boyfriends, or whatever are thottin and boppin with 5 kids by 5 different women and not a care in the world.

Just yesterday, social media chose a new victim. Kehlani, 20 year old songstress, broke up with a man, dated another, they broke up, and she got back with her ex but is now being called out for being a slut or hoe or thot or whatever. I mean, when I was 20— my dating life was a series of dating, breaking up, dating, casual sex, dating, and being single. I’ve gone back to an ex more times than I can count on one hand! That is a part of maturing and having relationships; when you are in your 20’s especially.

Heartbreak is hard enough to deal with. And yeah, I understand that men lose their shit when they think about their unwanted exes moving on. The fact is, men are given the space and allowance to fuck up and learn and go through as many relationships as it takes for them to find the right one. Women, on the other hand, are expected to sit on their hands mourning the loss of their ex and stamped with a scarlet letter if the find love elsewhere? Women have to choose between their reputation and personal happiness? That doesn’t seem outrageous?

I think there are valuable lessons to be learned from Ciara and Kehlani:

  1. You have to do what’s best for you.
  2. Follow your heart because your critics are certainly following theirs.
  3. The words sluts and hoes were made up to make some rejected man in history feel better by rationalizing why these women didn’t want him. The only word with weight, whore, represents a person doing the oldest job in the world.
  4. Social media and the extreme criticism of others can have a dangerously negative effect on the one’s being judged.
  5. Speaking of judgement, maybe you should stop and judge yourself, your mama, and your daddy because we have all been in love or at least lust and many of us have had to move on. A bunch of our parents are divorced or separated with new spouses. Even more of our parents have multiple kids by multiple people. And a some of our parents are miserable in dead end relationships that they are too afraid to leave for fear of being stigmatized or a lonely ass cat person.

Moral of the story, people (yes that includes women) have the right to move on after heartbreak when and how they see fit. And YOU do not have the right to judge them for it.


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