Last month, an acquaintance posted a status on Facebook that said:
Why is it that women (mainly black women) get so pissed off when u tell them ur not really attracted to black women?? U would think I said they all ugly and they feet stink or something by the reaction I get lmaoo…all I’m saying is we are all entitled to like who we like and if I’m just not attracted to u it doesn’t mean I don’t like u as person.. like my mother, sister, grandmother, and aunt are all beautiful black women and I love them but hey can’t please em all.
Now, I happen to know that this person prefers to date Hispanic women and in the 99+ comments, he said that is just his preference. When black women started to comment with disbelief and opposing views, he was utterly stunned that people couldn’t understand that he just doesn’t prefer to date black women.
Well, I have decided to explain to him, and other men with this mindset, in an open letter.
Dear (Black) Men,
Black women are not a thing to be into. We are not the gravy to prefer on your biscuit or not. We are not your option that is open to you if you prefer it. We are not a flavor that you can decide or not decide to have. In fact, Black women are among the most diverse race of women on this planet in regards to color, style, experiences, physical appearance and entire self. We are not the single story you so desperately want us to be.
To completely disregard a group of women based on our skin color is not only immature, it is quite ignorant. By saying I don’t prefer black women, you are assuming that we all act the same, all have the same relationships, all have the same baggage, and we all look alike (that is assuming this preference derives from physical appearance). You are grouping together our intelligence, life experiences, and our potential to be an amazing partner. To put a cap on what a black woman can be and marginalize us into a trivial concept of preference is almost laughable. To say that an ENTIRE race of women are undateable by you based on the black women you have come across in your life is quite narrow minded.
There is nothing wrong with liking a certain type of women because of their physical appearance. We are human. We are attracted to what we are attracted to. I like tall, dark-skinned men. But, if a 5’5″ white man was smart, funny, and attractive, I would give him the time of day. He won’t grow. His skin will never be the color of chocolate. But, he could have qualities that are unique to him as a person that are perfect for me. You know, since all white men are not the same.
This is what I want you to know, you are welcomed to like whomever you want, no matter their race. I need to make that explicitly clear for the readers that prefer to skim over what I have written. The issue here is not that you haven’t dated Black women or that you don’t usually date Black women. The problem is that you have put all Black women into a box of negative stereotypes that goes far beyond physical preference and have disregarded and discredited us. If you don’t like teeth sucking, cursing, jobless, 3 kids with no man, jacked up hair having, sloppy weight, dirty, uneducated women, well I know a bunch of women that are not Black that fit those categories. Don’t ever try to fit me into your box. You don’t know me and you claim you don’t want to date me because I am Black. Period.
But know this; before you discredit an entire race and gender as not good enough to be considered to date you, ask yourself are you good enough to date a Black Woman.
I would love to hear your opinions on this!