I Don’t Date Black Women; Just My Preference.

Photo Credit: hassosan.seesaa.net


Last month, an acquaintance posted a status on Facebook that said:

Why is it that women (mainly black women) get so pissed off when u tell them ur not really attracted to black women?? U would think I said they all ugly and they feet stink or something by the reaction I get lmaoo…all I’m saying is we are all entitled to like who we like and if I’m just not attracted to u it doesn’t mean I don’t like u as person.. like my mother, sister, grandmother, and aunt are all beautiful black women and I love them but hey can’t please em all.

Now, I happen to know that this person prefers to date Hispanic women and in the 99+ comments, he said that is just his preference. When black women started to comment with disbelief and opposing views, he was utterly stunned that people couldn’t understand that he just doesn’t prefer to date black women.

Well, I have decided to explain to him, and other men with this mindset, in an open letter.

Dear (Black) Men,

Black women are not a thing to be into. We are not the gravy to prefer on your biscuit or not. We are not your option that is open to you if you prefer it. We are not a flavor that you can decide or not decide to have. In fact, Black women are among the most diverse race of women on this planet in regards to color, style, experiences, physical appearance and entire self. We are not the single story you so desperately want us to be.

To completely disregard a group of women based on our skin color is not only immature, it is quite ignorant. By saying I don’t prefer black women, you are assuming that we all act the same, all have the same relationships, all have the same baggage, and we all look alike (that is assuming this preference derives from physical appearance). You are grouping together our intelligence, life experiences, and our potential to be an amazing partner. To put a cap on what a black woman can be and marginalize us into a trivial concept of preference is almost laughable. To say that an ENTIRE race of women are undateable by you based on the black women you have come across in your life is quite narrow minded.

There is nothing wrong with liking a certain type of women because of their physical appearance. We are human. We are attracted to what we are attracted to. I like tall, dark-skinned men. But, if a 5’5″ white man was smart, funny, and attractive, I would give him the time of day. He won’t grow. His skin will never be the color of chocolate. But, he could have qualities that are unique to him as a person that are perfect for me. You know, since all white men are not the same.

This is what I want you to know, you are welcomed to like whomever you want, no matter their race. I need to make that explicitly clear for the readers that prefer to skim over what I have written. The issue here is not that you haven’t dated Black women or that you don’t usually date Black women. The problem is that you have put all Black women into a box of negative stereotypes that goes far beyond physical preference and have disregarded and discredited us. If you don’t like teeth sucking, cursing, jobless, 3 kids with no man, jacked up hair having, sloppy weight, dirty, uneducated women, well I know a bunch of women that are not Black that fit those categories. Don’t ever try to fit me into your box. You don’t know me and you claim you don’t want to date me because I am Black. Period.

But know this; before you discredit an entire race and gender as not good enough to be considered to date you, ask yourself are you good enough to date a Black Woman.


I would love to hear your opinions on this! 

10 thoughts on “I Don’t Date Black Women; Just My Preference.

  1. Love this. Even though I’m not African-American & I’m not living in America, I totally get you. I think it’s a silly thing to say, especially about the race or group you’re from. I wonder how often people of other races say it about their own women under the cover of “preference”. I think that preference should be questioned. Here in Nigeria, I have a problem with some guys that say they like light girls only. Hey, like what you like- but if you are nowhere near light skinned yourself, you aren’t allowed to disparage dark girls. No way. Black men not wanting to date black women, girls who don’t like being friends with other girls, and other pronouncements like this are silly in my book.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Fantastic post!

    I’m still astonished whenever I hear someone actually utter some variation of “I don’t date black girls.” Which would be fine if this were simply a fact of dating history dictated by opportunity or circumstance but of course, it’s always qualified by a cowardly defence as “a preference.”

    Not even a little bit.

    I wish instead of the people defending their prejudice as preference, they’d just call it what it is: an opinion. Their opinion of an entire race distilled down to stereotypical qualities they find distasteful. Then, at least we could really talk about why they don’t date Black Women.

    Either way, statements like these are good litmus tests for identifying narrow idiots and running far, far, away.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I grew up with hearing these things from both black men and women. It always bothered me that you would reject the possibility of meeting a great person due to their melanin content, especially when it matches your own. To base your decision solely on that shows how underdeveloped your perception of love and life is. Typically those kind of people are very unhappy with themselves in some way and see their own characteristics as inadequate, therefore seeking balance in their mates. For many, it even makes them feel superior to their peers. I enjoyed your artilce!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. best reply..
    some people don’t understand what it means when they say somethings.


  5. Yes yes yes!! This is my pet peeve and will get my blood boiling when I hear that shit! That is indicative of these men confidence and self esteem. They are shallow and guess what? Don’t want to date someone who stereotypes like this! Not even worth it!!! Great post!


    1. When black men talk bad about black women, it is seriously mind blowing! You were grown in a black womb, birthed through a black vagina, and raised by black hands but have such disgusting things to say about those SAME women?! It honestly breaks down to what type of women these men surround themselves with. Maybe they should evaluate that first.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. They need to evaluate themselves and why they have a strong dislike for themselves! Bc to say you dont like your own kind, which is your mother, grandmother and so forth is to say you don’t see value in yourself as a black man!!!


  6. As the only male commenter thus far, I will say that at 38 years of age, I have yet to find a “black LADY” from America that is marraige material, to me. Too many have children for other Men (I don’t have any), are becoming too obsessed with fake hair, weaves, eyelashes, etc. that they aren’t even “real” anymore. So many have an entitled, narcissistic personality. It seems that many are obsessed with Housewives of Atl, Basketball Wives, and all that other mess on TV and have adopted those horrible messages in their lives. Too many selfies, wanting likes on Facebook, and selfish practices that most Men are realizing that a MAJORITY, NOT ALL, of Black Women are so wrapped up in themselves they have no clue how to make their man feel like a MAN. Seems the MAJORITY of them just have their hands out to recieve, and not give. And that’s a MAJOR TURNOFF to any man, no matter the race. Oh, and Men cherish a feminine Woman. Not a Woman with a feminist personality. A lot of Black Women dont get that though.
    Btw, if you’re offended, then something in here must apply to you. If you’re not offended, I’m so honored to know you’re not in the MAJORITY.


    1. Thanks for your input.

      For starters, you seem very angry at black women. Were you dumped? Abandoned? Rejected? It seems like something occurred for you to have such a negative perception of black women.

      You do not know the majority of black women. That is a fact. You know the black women you surround yourself with. I would suggest you surround yourself with more worldly women in general.

      I also think that women with any trace of personality, strength, opinion, education, or success separate from you are intimidating. It’s off putting and clearly stresses you out.

      Personally, most of my friends are black women and they are all different, beautiful, and amazing. Some of them hold Masters degrees, some own their own businesses, some are artists. And yes, some wear weave (like white women), make up (like white women), and eyelashes (like white women).

      BTW, I am not offended in the least because I would never date a man as narrow minded and ignorant as you and neither would any of the black women I know. I do suggest, though, you open up your little, tiny world to let in other experiences. You aren’t meeting successful black women because you probably aren’t attracting them. You should ask your self why.


  7. aundrea Williams June 8, 2021 — 3:23 pm

    I love it, I love it all! It’s so funny to me how black women are so hated on and marginalized, and yet don’t seen to have to right to have any input about it, but if it’s about another type of woman, it seems to be so excepted. A lot of people find it so easily to blame and discredit black women for whatever reason, instead of people letting themselves be told by the social media who to hate and who to love, who’s important and what’s important. And the thing I find funniest is, that they will say they won’t date or be with a black woman, yet they will quick accept and adore a woman, especially white women, who have what are known to be a black woman’s features. Can someone please explain that to me? Because I read in one of the comments someone going ham on black women having fake this and fake that, but nothing about the other races of women that enhance themselves to “look black”? And by the way, in a black woman, no kids, raised by both mother and father, working 2 jobs, and by the help of God providing for myself with everything I need, yet no man has come into my life who is actually willing to be a husband. Maybe it’s because I don’t so easily put out?


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